The David Beckham Jerseyfest, Shriekapalooza, and Flashbulb Jamboree pulled into Crew Stadium on Saturday night. He came, he saw, and he left with his team's playoff hopes in tatters.
Veni. Vidi. Ouchie.
It was far from a work of art, but the Columbus Crew defeated Beckham's Los Angeles Galaxy, 1-0, on Saturday, delighting an overflow crowd of 22,685 people who all wore black out of respect for the Galaxy's almost flat-lining playoff chances. Meanwhile, the victory ultimately clinched first place in the East for the Massive Bananas, who will have home-field advantage throughout the Eastern Conference playoffs.
Beckham's appearance gave the event a big-game feel, but the crowd was hardly deferential. Sure, camera flashes lit up Crew Stadium like a firefly Woodstock every time Becks lined up for a free kick, took a throw-in, or, um, retreated into his defensive third to get a touch on the ball. But he was also heckled, jeered and mocked. Apart from his introduction, the biggest cheer Beckham earned all night was when he received a yellow card. His preceding hack of Robbie Rogers earned him boos before the booking.
"I was expecting a great atmosphere, and it was a great atmosphere," said Beckham. "There were a lot of people out there and I am sure they enjoyed themselves, especially with the Columbus win. I enjoyed it, apart from losing."
Faces in the Crowd
Part of that atmosphere was created by the Crew's suspended right back, Frankie Hejduk, and suspended head coach, Sigi Schmid. As expected, Hejduk spent part of the game singing and chanting with the rowdy denizens of the Nordecke.
As for Schmid? "I watched from a radio booth while sitting on a table," he explained. "If you stand, you can't see the whole field, so I watched with my face pressed up against the glass. It fogged up a little."
When he made a surprise visit to the media room to deliver his postgame comments, Sigi assured everyone it was perfectly legal. "Believe me, right now I'm wearing an ankle bracelet and there's a beeper on there so the league can track me and know exactly where I am at," he joked. "They are also recording all of my comments."
Deliver It Like Danny
Forget bending it like Beckham, the best service of the night came from secret weapon Danny O'Rourke, who assisted on Alejandro Moreno's 42nd minute goal. O'Rourke collected a weak clearance by the Galaxy defense and then whipped a wicked cross into the box where it found the head of Moreno as he cut in front of Galaxy defender Chris Klein.
"I was playing high because they were only leaving one man up top, so I cheated forward a bit," O'Rourke explained. "I took a touch and saw Brad (Evans), Alejandro, and Robbie making runs. All three made good runs so I put it where one of them could get on the end of it. Alejandro finished it brilliantly."
"(Danny) got his head up and I saw that he was trying to swing the ball in," said Moreno. "As he swung the ball in, I tried to get in between defenders and get in front of Klein and put it into the back of the net."
The goal was Moreno's ninth of the season, setting a new career high. "It's important because before the season started, Sigi set a goal for me of 10-15 goals. Maybe 15 is on the high side, but that's something I can shoot for in the remaining games. More important, and more remarkable, is the season that we are having as a team. At this stage of my career, I know this type of season doesn't come along often, so I am very appreciative."
Where Did The Goals Go?
The Galaxy came in with the league's best offense and the league's worst defense. The Crew came in with the league's second-best offense. Conditions were ripe for one of those crazy goalfests that seem to happen annually at Giants Stadium. (Fun fact: Giants Stadium has hosted a 5-4 game for FOUR consecutive seasons. Seriously. Look it up.)
Instead of a shootout, the Crew's lone tally stood up because the defense put up a goose egg against the goal-getting Galaxy.
"I think the thing about the Galaxy is that they complement each other so well," said Andy Iro, who started in the middle of the back line. "Edson Buddle is a big, bashing guy with a decent touch. Then you complement him with Beckham serving balls, and then you have this little whip-it like Donovan scurrying around, and then you have Eddie Lewis who is going to drop off and hit shots from 20-25 yards out. They have every facet of an attacking lineup. It was good for us, and we played well as a team, and we came up with some blocks at crucial times. It was a good, good, good team defensive effort."
"I thought our defensive effort was very good," said Schmid. "Andy Iro has grown over the course of the season. I thought he came in played very solid, and then Chad Marshall did what we have become accustomed to back there. Danny O'Rourke did a good job at right back, and we keep plugging him into different roles at different times. Gino Padula did a good job on Beckham. He had service from set pieces, but I don't really recall much service from the run of play."
"I had very little to do," admitted goalkeeper William Hesmer. "What can I say? The defense played great against the highest scoring team in the league."
Roughing Robbie Rogers
I think I have used that section heading several times this year, but so be it. It sounds good, and it's accurate.
Tackles on Rogers earned yellow cards in the 29th and 32nd minutes. The latter card was issued to Beckham for a late, leg-swinging slide tackle. The booking earned Beckham a one-game suspension for accumulation.
"You never want to go into a game thinking about not getting a yellow card, because it throws you off your game and you end up not going into any tackles," Beckham explained. "It was one of those challenges where the referee was handing out cards quite easily tonight."
Did I mention it was a late, leg-swinging slide tackle? And that it occurred just three minutes after another cautioned hacking of Rogers? Hats off to referee Jorge Gonzalez for stopping the Rough-A-Robbie defense early in the game.
The two quick yellows got me to wondering how many cards Rogers has drawn this year. Using the play-by-play recaps available on MLSnet.com, I went through the Crew's games and looked it up. Two caveats: First, the play-by-play failed to say who suffered the foul when Kyle Beckerman got a yellow for a reckless tackle against the Crew on July 12. Second, I counted second yellows as yellows, not reds.
The results? Not only does Rogers lead the league with 69 fouls suffered, he has also drawn 15 yellow cards, one straight red, and two penalty kicks. When one contemplates all of the non-calls, it's staggering to think about the amount of violence that comes his way.
How ridiculous are those numbers? The next two Crew players COMBINED would only equal Rogers on reds and penalties, and still fall three yellows short of Rogers' total. Alejandro Moreno is second on the team, drawing 7 yellows and two penalties. Guillermo Barros Schelotto is third, drawing 5 yellows and one straight red.
Crew on the Crowd
Needless to say, the Crew enjoyed playing in front of a packed house.
Robbie Rogers: "It was a great atmosphere and I think that's how it's going to be in the playoffs, so it was good for us to get a game like this where the nerves were a little high, and we found a way to win."
William Hesmer: "The atmosphere again tonight was electric. It's been like that for a handful of games this year. You can't say enough - I know it's cliché to keep saying it - but the crowd gives us that little extra boost to dig in and we really mean it, they've been a huge part of our success."
Andy Iro: "I would look up into the stands and it would be all black. That was a good feeling. And it was really, really loud. There was a time when Bobby (Warzycha) was shouting instructions to me, and he wasn't that far away, and I couldn't hear him. You hope for that atmosphere in the playoffs. When you're playing, you just think, 'I'm all right. I got the crowd behind me.' That's the way it should be. That's when it's fun as a player."
Alejandro Moreno: "We looked at is as though there would maybe be some people here who haven't been here all year, and this was our chance to show them our progress. There were many who have been here all season, but there were others that we hope will come back based on our win tonight. We hope that they will come back and support us in the playoffs."
Bruce on the Crowd
First, let me say that Craig Merz and I should be ashamed of ourselves. After weeks of rehashing Bruce Arena's "circus-like atmosphere" comments from 1997 and joking about the Crew displaying a Butter Bruce on the plaza, neither of us thought to ask Arena about his thoughts on the burgeoning supporter culture in here in Middle America.
But that's where Chris DeVille of Columbus Alive came to the rescue. He asked Arena if he has a different opinion of Columbus now compared to his critical comments in the past.
"When was this? 1996?" Arena asked.
"A long time ago," DeVille confirmed.
Arena then dusted off some of his favorite routines from back in the day. "It has progressed," he said. "This certainly beats playing in the Ohio State football stadium on a 57-yard field with horses running around. This is a fabulous venue. I've been here with the national team for some very important games. But I am pleased that you can recall that from 13 years ago. That's good."
Yes, very good. Well done, Chris. Merz and I owe you one.
MLS Fantasy Spotlight
After joking two weeks ago that his fantasy stock watch was on the upswing after taking a shot not-on-goal, I asked O'Rourke what his MLS fantasy expectations were now that he assisted on the game-winning goal against LA.
"Maybe someone will pick me up off the waiver wire," he replied.
Jersey Switch
Early in the first half, O'Rourke ran to the Crew bench and changed his shirt. I was worried that he had busted his right eye open for the third time in a month. Instead, it was a much more mundane jersey change.
"I wore a long-sleeved jersey and I did a lot of push-ups yesterday, so it was really tight up top," he deadpanned. "No, it was brand new and wasn't broken in yet, so it was really uncomfortable to run in. When Eddie Lewis went down, I went and changed to my other jersey."
Supporters' Shield In Sight
After the weekend's action, only the Houston Dynamo stand between the Crew and their second Supporters' Shield title. Any combination of points earned by the Crew or points dropped by the Dynamo totaling three would clinch the Shield for Columbus. Created and paid for by the league's supporter groups, the Supporters' Shield is awarded annually to the team with the highest point total in MLS, and winning the shield would clinch the Crew a second-round berth in the 2009-10 CONCACAF Champions League.
While the Supporters' Shield admittedly didn't carry as much weight back in 2004, when the Crew rattled off an 18-game unbeaten streak en route to the franchise's first Shield, I have always viewed it as a missed opportunity that the club has not commemorated the '04 team's achievement with an in-stadium banner. (In an overlooked bit of Crew lore, it was none other than Duncan Oughton who scored the Crew's lone goal in the Shield-clinching draw in Denver on the final Saturday of the season.) A lot has changed since then, and this year's team seems to be fully aware of the Shield, what it represents, and the benefits of bringing it back to Columbus.
"The Supporters' Shield is arguably hardest thing to win in this league," said goalkeeper William Hesmer. "The MLS Cup is four games, but to win the Shield, you have to prove it over a 30-game season. In most leagues, that is how they determine the champion. It's something that we want to win, and it would also put us in international competition next season."
Media Culpa
Speaking of the Supporters' Shield, many people, myself included, would have been shocked to learn last March that the Crew would be on the verge of running away with it in October. William Hesmer was not one of the doubters.
"I think it was you guys who said we weren't going to do so well, you guys in the media, and that fired us up," he said. "I think we always go into a season saying that we're going for championships. Every year. In the offseason, not making the playoffs for the past few years sat heavy on guys, so there's a little extra incentive. I think now we're pegged to be one of the top teams, but we're a team that's free-spirited and we go out there and play as hard as we can and the results take care of themselves."
Arena on Winning, the Crew, and the Knicks
Bruce Arena knows a thing or two about winning, and when asked what it would take to turn around the Galaxy, he also found a way to work the Crew's turnaround into the discussion.
"Winning is a mentality," he said. "You not only need to have the right players to win, but there's a mentality that goes along with it. That's certainly the coach's responsibility. It's every day and in every experience. When things don't go the way they're supposed to go, and there's reasons for it that you can avoid, then you need to bring the hammer down.
"It's not going to happen overnight, or even week to week, so much as it will happen from season to season. A good example of that would be the Crew, a team that hadn't made the playoffs since I don't know what year. They've had to slowly build, and I know Sigi-he's a detail guy and he has a way of doing things. It's maybe taken him a while to convince guys to do things his way, but they're doing it right now. They don't have many new players, but they've matured and grown. It's a lesson for everyone. You don't always need new players, you just need to let them grow."
In Arena's eyes, the Galaxy's situation is different. "In our case, it's not just the mentality, but the roster," he said. "Managing your roster and salary cap is a part of modern day sports in America. We've had some problems with our roster and salary cap, and that needs to get better for us to improve our team. I like to look at other sports, and if you look at the extreme end of mismanaging a roster and salary cap, there's the New York Knicks in the NBA. I'm not saying we're the Knicks, but we sure are giving it a shot."
Beckham on the Knick-like Galaxy
After the game, Beckham was asked if he was frustrated that the club has not done more to surround him and Landon Donovan with more talent.
"At the end of the day, this team is not about me and Landon," he said. "This organization is not about me and Landon. We're just in a position where maybe we aren't getting a little bit of luck. We look at each other in the dressing room and we want to play with each other, and that's the thing. You want to be proud of the team, and proud of your teammates, and to look at your teammates and know everyone is giving 100 percent each game. Sometimes that's happened this year, and sometimes it hasn't. Any other questions are higher up. It has nothing to do with me."
Buddle-licious Quip of the Week
Former Crew man Edson Buddle, on the horde of media that descended on the Galaxy's training session just to, um, chronicle his return to Columbus: "It's not just here. It's like this everywhere I go, man. They follow me everywhere."
Buddle-licious Baffling Quote of the Week
Edson Buddle, on any differences in his play now compared to his days in Columbus: "As the years go by, you see more, you know? It's like aging."
The Sunny Side of Bruce
Maybe the L.A. life has mellowed out Bruce Arena. Over the years, Arena has been known for being caustically condescending, but at Galaxy training on Friday, he showed his condescendingly comedic side. His exceptionally dry wit was in top form.
As he gave his interviews to the TV and radio reporters, we writers could overhear Arena telling the TV folks, "Our goal is to win the game. The game plan is so complicated that I won't bother telling you about it because you'd never understand it anyway."
We had a chuckle over it, and when Arena came over to meet with the writers, Craig Merz did not hesitate to ask Arena for more detail on his game plan. Arena cracked a smile. "It's very, very sophisticated," he continued with a bemused smirk. "We still haven't completed it. We'll be in the lab until midnight working on this one."
Obetz Decorations
The interior of the Crew's Obetz facility is decorated with many photo spoofs playfully mocking players and staff. Here's one that I feel comfortable sharing. On the door to head trainer Jason Mathews' office, the players posted a spoof of the Real Men of Genius ads. The page features photos of Mathews and assistant trainer Skylar "Paco" Richards. The text reads:
"Real Men of Genius: Mr. Athletic Trainer
"Here's to you, Mr. Athletic Trainer. Without your undying commitment, your athletes would find themselves swollen, achy, and dehydrated. Sure, most people would take pleasure in a job well done, but no one boasts of a wrinkle-free tape job like you do. You hold your head high while sporting a fanny pack past the year of 1988. For you, your 15 minutes of fame is when the camera lands on you standing behind your star athlete, because you know behind every great athlete is a great athletic trainer. So crack open an ice cold bottle of Gatorade, oh injury preventer-er and caretaker-er, and remember that you put the I.C.E. in R.I.C.E."
At the bottom of the page, in what looks suspiciously like the handwriting of team administrator Tucker Walther, is a note that reads, "Get real! Trainers are people who couldn't be administrators!"
Dunc's Pub Name
After fielding suggestions from the Dante-Dunny Think Tank Foundation, conducting focus groups with fans and media, and then submitting a list of finalists to the Walther Polling Institute for a final vote amongst the players and team staff, we at the Sirk Marketing Group finally have an official market-tested and focus-group-approved name for the pub that Duncan Oughton hopes to open some day in the future.
First, let me say that the Walther Polling Institute took its mission very seriously. Every single member of the team staff, be it players, coaches, technical directors, trainers, doctors, equipment managers, or interns, received a vote. The WPI saw to it that every single person on the team side of the organization received the gift of franchisement in these proceedings.
Now, without further ado, the winning name is.....
(do that drum roll thing where you trill your tongue)......
The Muppet Lodge!
Here is the final team voting after the fan and media votes winnowed the original field down to these five finalists:
- The Muppet Lodge-15
- Beaker's-13
- Oughton Inn-9
- Duncan's Baaaaaar-5
- The Donkey Touch Pub-3
I have it on good authority from Jason Garey that the reserve team, aka "The Muppet Squad," was the voting bloc that pushed the The Muppet Lodge to the top of the list.
On Sunday night, I placed a call from the SMG world headquarters to the Oughton residence to share the results of this arduous process. Needless to say, Duncan was ecstatic. Or maybe not.
"I don't know that the investors would be happy with the name Muppet Lodge," he said. "Doesn't the name 'lodge' imply 'lodging', meaning there would be rooms with beds for the Muppets to stay in? I don't know if I am comfortable with that idea. I mean, you can pull up a barstool and take a nap for as long as you'd like, as long as I can keep billing drinks to your tab, but I don't know that I want to provide any bed-based lodging. Especially for those Muppets."
Oughton also gave his thoughts on the other finalists:
Beaker's: "That one was obviously Dante's idea. Very predictable from the big fella."
Oughton Inn: "The 'man room' in my house is called the Out Inn, which sounds just like 'Oughton', so I've already thought of that one without a so-called think tank."
Duncan's Baaaaar: "That one's not bad, actually. It's pretty clever for a sheep joke. I'm not surprised at all that Andy Gruenebaum's thoughts immediately turned to animals."
The Donkey Touch Pub: "Why would Dunseth want me to name my pub after him? He's a very vain man."
The Kiwi was also flabbergasted to hear about the many companies and organizations that were involved in this process.
"The Sirk Marketing Group?" he said. "If I saw the initials SMG, I would think Sirk's Muppet Gang, which probably explains the final result of this bloated process. I would like to thank SMG for their tireless work and thousands of dollars spent on a process that yielded a name that we would have thought of in three sips of beer over the course of 37 seconds. It takes a talented group to make such a big and costly project out of something that could have been accomplished for free in 37 seconds."
"The Dante-Dunny Think Tank Foundation?" he asked with astonishment, upon learning that ex-teammates Dante Washington and Brian Dunseth were in the think tank business. "I believe their motto is 'Two Men - One Brain.' But from my past experiences with Dante and Dunny, I've found that 99.9 percent of what they think up is absolute garbage, so I think they should be commended for coming up with suggestions that were merely less than average, which is a big step up from garbage. I would like to thank Dante and Dunseth for their hours and hours of tireless thinking, even though those two men are about as useful as a smelly fart in an elevator."
Duncan took on a more appreciative tone upon learning that the fans and media served as focus groups that whittled down the original list of names. "I would like to thank the fans and media who voted and, as a result, got rid of a lot of the rubbish put forth by that supposed think tank where each member has a tiny half-brain," he said. "I am thankful for their efforts to negate some of the less-than-average thinking that went into this whole process."
Rather than shock, Duncan found peril behind the existence of the Walther Polling Institute. "I noticed that Tucker was scurrying around the locker room like a little rodent," he said. "It's unusual when he leaves me out of whatever secretive scurrying he's doing, so I knew something was going down.
"It just shows how seriously he takes his non-work responsibilities," he continued, "as well as how much time he has to waste from his real job. The guys are going to be in for a shock when they find out that instead of flying to Chicago, we will have to walk there because Tucker was too busy working his poll to order our plane tickets. Training this week will consist of a five-day jog. We will leave Obetz on Wednesday and then arrive at Bridgeview on Sunday morning for the game. Blisters aside, there are going to be many guys with heavy legs for that game. So thank you, Tucker. There's only one man who could jog from Ohio to Illinois and then immediately play a soccer game, but he'll be away with the U.S. National Team."
I asked one last time if he would consider using the name The Muppet Lodge since it was so thoroughly vetted by time-testing marketing techniques. "Time will tell," he said. "It will depend on the investors, but maybe we will use part of the name. We might use the word 'the' or the letter 'm' or something, so don't feel that all this was the big waste of everybody's time that it certainly appears to be."
The Man Behind The Name
The Muppet Lodge was suggested by Scottish beard-growing sensation Adam Moffat, who agreed with my idea that he should be entitled to some sort of reward for choosing the winning name.
"Since I suggested the winning name, Duncan should definitely have to have a weekly Scottish Night at his English-style pub," Moffat said. "There would be an open mic for bagpipe players and you'd have to wear a kilt or you don't get in. I better get Scottish Night for suggesting the winning name for Duncan's pub, because I didn't get a thing for winning that beard contest."
I told Duncan of the Scot's desired reward. "It's a possibility," said the Kiwi, "but the big question will be what will Moffat and his mates wear under their kilts? 'Nothing' is not an option. And I didn't know he played the bagpipes. I thought he played a little hand flute."
Fantasy Football Update
The Crew's fantasy football league is causing much anguish these days. For example, poor Alejandro Moreno didn't know what hit him in week four. "I had to go against Brett Favre, so that was fun," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. (Favre threw six touchdown passes that week.) Meanwhile, Danny O'Rourke suffered what he deemed to be an embarrassing loss to Brian Carroll's previously winless team.
This past weekend featured the much anticipated "Superclassico" between O'Rourke and Hesmer. "The Superclassico is turning into such as we speak," Danny emailed as Monday Night Football kicked off. "Will is leading by 35 points heading into the game tonight, and I have ALL DAY ALL PRO Adrian Peterson and Ryan Longwell, the kicker for the Vikings. If Peterson is truly the player he is tagged to be, then tonight he should perform on this huge platform on MNF and in a must-win game."
Considering it was the last I heard from Danny, I'm guessing that Peterson and Longwell did not do enough to erase Hesmer's 35-point lead.
Jason Garey, who got a big victory over Andy Gruenebaum this week, already called the result in favor of Hesmer before the Monday night game kicked off. "O'Rourke continues his struggles, despite claiming to be Columbus' own fantasy football god, by getting crushed by Mr. Hesmer," he gleefully emailed. "O'Rourke is now 1-4 and has made some of the worst trades in fantasy football history!"
Now that the results are final, I will try to get the league standings and some more comments. If/when that happens, I will publish an update on the Crew's official blog, The Black & Gold Standard.
The New Haircut of the Iro Generation
Generation Iro was sporting a Mohawk during Saturday's game, which prompted the following conversation between me, G.I., and Steven Lenhart.
SS: So what's up with the Mohawk?
GI: It was time for a change-up. I tried it out and we got a big victory, so I have to stick with it.
SS: Are you going to let it grow really high? Or use some hair-straightener to make big spikes?
GI: I'm not going to use any straightener, and it won't grow very high, but I am going to leave it until we lose. We're on a good streak right now.
SS: Has anyone on the team made fun of you for it?
GI: Danny O'Rourke has made fun of me for it, but look at his hair.
SS: Yeah, he likes to do that Fauxhawk thing with the hair gel, but only you have the guts to do a real Mohawk.
GI: Exactly! Danny is an idiot! And then Duncan tries to make fun of me, but all you have to do is look at the way Duncan dresses.
SS: So this wasn't part of a team contest, like that beard contest?
GI: No, I just did it.
(Enter Steven Lenhart.)
SL: But what I don't understand is, where did it come from, dude?
GI: Inspiration.
SL: Inspiration from whom?
GI: The man on high.
SL: What does that even mean? The man on high?
GI: The man on high.
SL: The man on high told you to get a Mohawk? That's ridiculous!
SS: So you don't like the Mohawk?
SL: I am definitely a hater.
SS: So you're not going to grow your own Mohawk and engage Andy in a battle of the Frohawks?
SL: Definitely not. The thing is, I know I can't pull it off. He just hasn't figured it out yet.
Afterward, I mentioned to Danny O that Iro called him an idiot. Danny responded by giving the universal hand signal for buttoning his lip. "I am going to be the bigger man," he said. (This means that Danny will have to metaphorically grow to a height of 198 centimeters.)
Tucker Walther then chimed in with his own suggestion. "I think Andy should dye his Mohawk blonde," he said. "That way he can be black & gold."
Questions? Comments? Hope the Crew never lose again so Andy has to keep his Mohawk and it gets to the point that Andy's Mohawk is so popular that the Crew will have an Andy Iro Mohawk skull cap giveaway for the first 5,000 fans in attendance one night? Feel free to write at sirk65@yahoo.com
