So, 18/29ths of the league made the Audi MLS Cup Playoffs… but your favorite team may not have.
- Bummer.
- We’re here to help.
You may not have a team in this thing, yet everyone else’s bandwagon is offering free admission this time of year. All you have to do is pick the right one. That’s where we come in.
For fans of…
- The New York Yankees
- Alabama football circa 2009-20 but not anymore
- The Boston Celtics
- FC Barcelona
- Goats
- South Beach
- Getting excited when Marvel movies have good box office showings
- Finding four leaf clovers
- Hating math
- “Game isn’t played on a spreadsheet, mate”
Look, if you haven’t jumped on the bandwagon yet – we’ll have to double-check if they even have room – you probably aren’t going to jump on now. But maybe you’re someone who solely cares about the pursuit of greatness and is late getting aboard. Winning MLS Cup after setting the single-season points record would certainly fit that category.
Or maybe you just like seeing spreadsheet nerds upset… it’s me, I’m the nerd. I won’t run through the numbers here, but trust me, Inter Miami have outperformed their underlying numbers at a rate we’ll never see again. You might find continuing that in the playoffs really funny.
For fans of…
- Saying “champagne football” unironically
- Construction workers
- Cats in hats
- Talking about someone being underrated for so long that they eventually become properly rated
- Being more productive than your coworker who gets all the attention
- Charlie Brown
The Crew are for folks who want the best chance of winning without joining the most crowded bandwagon. You also may be an appreciator of aesthetically pleasing, possession-based soccer. Maybe you spend matches talking to anyone who will listen about how a proper No. 6 can be the most influential player on the field. Or perhaps you love a small-market team hitting it big. There are a lot of reasons to jump on here. And a strong chance that you can ride it all the way to December.
For fans of…
- Will Ferrell
- Counter-attacking
- Gabon
- Falconry
- Overcoming narratives
- Being appreciative of Houston, Texas
- Numbers higher than 3,251 but lower than 3,253
- Not wearing white after or before Labor Day
LAFC are the favorite to make MLS Cup in the West… again. They’re always overwhelmingly talented and things just tend to break their way. You don’t have to look any further than Decision Day than that.
But they also have struggled in finals as of late. Yeah, they won the US Open Cup, but that came against Sporting Kansas City. It’s been a while since they’ve won a boss fight. You could be the kind of person who wants to see the team that’s been getting close get back over the hump.
For fans of…
- Goals
- Scoring goals
- Putting the ball in the back of the net
- High-scoring games
- Watching people score goals
- Goal scoring
- Closing your eyes and hitting the gas on the highway
Hi, do you like watching people score goals? Well, the team with 69 goals scored and 50 goals allowed on the season is probably going to have a lot of people scoring goals for better or worse. The Galaxy’s quartet of Riqui Puig, Dejan Joveljić, Gabriel Pec and Joseph Paintsil combined for 54 goals this year. That plus their tendency to get dragged into open-ended, high-scoring games will at least make your time on the bandwagon exciting. How long it will last is unclear.
For fans of…
- Holding things together with Duct Tape
- Lions with swords
- Gary
- Laying low for a while just to surprise everyone at the end
- Having everyone make the same overused cultural reference about your town
- Spaghetti chili
Cincy have caught some bad breaks this year. In particular, their center-back group got decimated by injuries in the middle of the season. They also lost their DP striker midway through the year. It hasn’t all gone to plan. But Lucho Acosta has been better than ever, Luca Orellano loves to score from distance and Cincy still found a way to put up 59 points on the season. They’re still being counted out pretty heavily heading into this one, though. You could jump on the bandwagon and enjoy a potential run to MLS Cup that would feature overcoming adversity plus a redemption arc after last season’s exit in the Eastern Conference Final.
For fans of…
- Diego Luna
I don’t know, have you seen Diego Luna? He’s 21, has a ton of tattoos, and tallied eight goals and 12 assists on the year. Like… I don’t know, it’s just Diego Luna. He’s awesome.
For fans of…
- Classical music
- Responsible investments
- Retirement planning
- Going the speed limit
- Bureaucracy at large
The league’s best defensive side is fully prepared to win every game 1-0 until MLS Cup is in their hands. They’ve allowed just 35 goals on the season while scoring just 51. Only Charlotte, Atlanta, Houston and Montréal made the playoffs after scoring fewer goals. If Seattle make a run, it will be because they made life hell for their opponents in every game.
For fans of…
- Saying “If you’re going to do a job you might as well do the job right”
- Being type A
- Television shows that people describe as “slow-burn"
- Meticulously crafting a ship in a bottle
- Those $100 steaks that are cooked for like 12 hours
- Sensible sedans
Houston don't score often, but it looks freaking fantastic when they do. The Dynamo have a reputation for playing aesthetically pleasing, possession-oriented soccer in the same way the Crew do. The difference is Columbus have scored 72 times this year and Houston have scored 47 times. Houston take their time to make sure they’re getting things right. It leads to a league-best 59.2% possession on the year, a pretty stellar defensive record and highlight-worthy team goals. You’re here if you find Columbus and the Galaxy too flashy.
For fans of…
- Rube Goldberg machines
You’ve seen a Rube Goldberg machine even if you don’t know what it’s called. It’s one of those hyper-complicated things where you do something like drop a marble off a ledge and watch as it goes through 30 different stages of contraptions before it rolls to its final location and sets off fireworks. They take forever to set up and the individual pieces aren’t spectacular, but the end product is actually really impressive. That’s Orlando City for the last two seasons. The first half of the year is spent setting things up and putting it all into the right spot and the second half is about setting everything into motion. They averaged 2.06 points per game over their final 17 matches in 2024 after averaging 1.00 in their first 17.
For fans of…
- “Getting hot at the right time”
- Peaks and valleys
- y=sin(x)
- Oasis’ music
- Oasis getting back together then breaking up then getting back together then breaking up then getting back together
The Loons have been on the weirdest character arc this year. In large part, that's because it really has been an arc. They started the year as one of the best teams in the league despite losing Emanuel Reynoso, completely cratered in the middle of the season once Copa América hit, and recovered to put up 2.11 points per game in the nine games since their new DPs arrived (Kelvin Yeboah and Joaquín Pereyra). There have genuinely been three different versions of this team this year and it feels like it could swing the other way at any moment.
For fans of…
- Anthropomorphic soccer balls that happen to be royalty
- Banking
You wouldn’t want to disappoint Sir Minty, would you? Also, this could be pretty fun. Charlotte picked up 13 points over their last five games and it seems like their new attacking pieces are starting to gel at the right time. With their excellent defense, they could make a run. Or I don’t know, maybe you just really like finance.
For fans of…
- The Galaxy’s whole "allowing and scoring a ton of goals" thing with less chance of winning
- Third-place trophies
- Hoping that both teams have fun out there
The Rapids scored 61 goals this year while finding a way to allow 60 goals in the process. They’re probably going to at least be pretty entertaining. It’s not likely that’s going to lead to a ton of wins right now, though. They’ve kind of called it a year after winning third place in Leagues Cup. That run seems to have taken everything out of them. They’ve averaged just 1.13 points per game since the tournament.
For fans of…
- Being deeply unreliable
- Chicken buckets
- Alonso Martínez quietly turning into one of the best strikers in the league
Do you love canceling plans with friends who still invite you to things despite knowing you might cancel? Do people just expect you to show up late? Are your coworkers hesitant to work on projects with you, but still do it anyway because when you feel like doing the work it ends up being pretty outstanding?
Well, that’s this young NYCFC side that sometimes looks like everything has clicked and sometimes looks like they’ve never played soccer together before. Their last six games were: A 5-1 loss to Philadelphia, a 1-1 draw with Inter Miami, a 5-1 win over New York, a 3-2 win over Cincy, a 3-1 win over Nashville and a 2-0 loss to Montréal.
For fans of…
- Being told you can’t do something
- Nickleback
- Scotland
If you’re on this bandwagon, it’s because you’re tired of hearing MLS “experts” say Vancouver don't have the quality to beat the very best teams in the league and you want to see them overcome that. Or maybe you’re here to watch Ryan Gauld and Stuart Armstrong.
For fans of…
- Actually getting a lot better at something and being mad you’re not getting credit for your growth
- Trying to shake off a nickname you don’t like
- That era of sports where everyone had a “Big Three”
- Horses of a darker shade than other horses
- Mononyms
- Being scared to leave home
The narrative around Portland is they’re a disaster defensively. After all, they did allow 56 goals this season. It’s time to start rethinking that idea. It’s tough to shake early established characterizations, but the Timbers have actually been kind of excellent defensively for a while now. Since the midway point of the season, only Seattle and LAFC have posted better-expected goals allowed numbers. When you combine that with the elite attacking trio of Evander, Jonathan Rodríguez and Felipe Mora, you get a team that seems as well-positioned as any to make a dark-horse run deep into the playoffs. The only problem is they’ll be on the road for nearly the whole thing and, well, they’ve been kind of terrible on the road this year.
For fans of…
- Saying “99%” of the battle is just showing up
If you’re here, you're probably just happy about making the playoffs.
For fans of…
- Individual redemption arcs
- Team-wide redemption arcs
How can you not be cheering for a team whose resurgence has been led by Josef Martínez and Caden Clark? Josef has looked something close to vintage lately, scoring six times in his last four starts. Clark is in the most productive form of his career, scoring four times and delivering four assists in his last six starts since being traded from Minnesota United. That duo has combined to drag CF Montréal to five wins in their last seven games and a spot in the playoffs.
For fans of…
- Showing up to the party at the last possible minute
- Doing really well on the final to bring your grade up to a C
The Five Stripes have had a miserable season. They found one moment of bliss on Decision Day, though. Their 2-1 win at Orlando City, plus multiple results breaking in their favor elsewhere, put them over the line at the very last moment. That’s not where anyone expected them to be this season, but who among us hasn’t procrastinated on an assignment?
